Official 2011 Prophecies

Twas a few days before the new season and Prophet was in fear

How could he make this bit interesting for a 5^th freaking year?

It has outlived most marriages and TV shows on Fox

Though after 5 years it’s tough to rhyme new jokes and mocks

But the season is looming and the masses need direction

As well as irreverent commentary and crude words like erection

After all I’m a Prophet (though not one sent from heaven)

So here we go with my thoughts on 2011

For 2 years now we’ve been on the brink

But have been denied a chance from the Grey Cup to drink

The goal is crystal clear, make it back for a 3^rd time

But to finally raise the Cup there will be a big hill to climb

We’ve got a new head coach with a fabulous moustache

We got our old DC back because as a head coach he was trash

Fantuz left for the Bears and O’Day retired

Congi’s still hurt thanks to Daley (thank god that bum’s fired)

Bagg knee is shot but Romero’s in the mix

And with Dickenson on ST we might actually return one for 6

Change is a constant but our core is still here

So hold to you socks on for another great year

With Durant and Berry calling the shots, we will take to the air

For a tangible run game we’ll have no use or care.

We’ll still need our RBs every now and then

But most all our yards will be off Durant’s arm and legs again

Dressler will be an all-star, top 4 in receiving

While Koch will break out as a star and have you believing

We need a new top Canuck without Bagg or Fantuz

But it sure won’t be Clermont, who we will still under-use

Parenteau steps in at centre to replace O’Day

Though he’ll be replaced at some point due to poor play

There will still be picks a plenty but we will overcome

Offense will have its struggles but many games will be won.

On D, gone is Etch and his whacky schemes

Under Marshall and Hall we’ll be big, tough and mean

With some size in the front 7, the run we will stuff

Though sacks will be few until Hawk is healthy enough

With Graham, Patrick and Frazier in our secondary

Our D overall will be downright scary.

Freeman will establish himself as a household name

More than once our defense will have to win us a game

With the players and coaches on D, I would wager

Opponents will score less than a computer science major.

We will start off so-so and fans will freak out
It won’t take long for Marshall’s abilities to come into doubt

“Our receivers are struggling! Bring back Rod Wright!”

“Our kickers can’t even split the damn upright!”

But patience will be the key as it always seems to be

By Labour Day we will sit at 5-3

In the Classic we’ll stomp the Bombers with ease

Because they be forced to play a bunch of unknown QBs

That will be the spark for a midseason streak
We will be sitting in the first place spot we seek

As an added bonus we will get some great news

When from the NFL returns… Andy Fantuuuuuuz!

But an untimely injury will brings things to a stop

And down the standings we will begin to drop

But when hopes of a home playoff game start to look grim

The team will dig deep and earn a big wins

We’ll finish 10-8 edging the Lions for 2^nd 

Proving that the Riders are still a force to be reckoned

For the first time since ’06 there will be no individual award

This will be a true team effort across the board

In an epic West-Semi with BC we’ll go toe to toe

But a Luca Congi field goal will sink our orange clad foe

Calgary’s up next and they will look strong

No bra this year for Burris… this time it’s a thong
Henry’s never beat us when it actually matters

So expect us to leave his hopes of doing so in tatters

Thanks to strong play from Dressler, the Stamps we’ll eviscerate

Henry will choke and his fans will want to defenestrate

Then it’s off to Vancouver, to compete for Lord Grey

Against the Als once again… its like Groundhogs Day

As much as I’d like to predict championship thrills

We’ll instead establish ourselves as the next Buffalo Bills

We won’t hoist the cup, when the season does expire

Though we’ll pray for Calvillo to just freaking retire!

That’s how I see 2011 going down

Though my gloomy ending is no reason to frown

For though overall my predictions tend to be spot on

So far I’ve always managed to get the end wrong
So don your jerseys and grab those melons

(Just make sure it’s the fruit so you don’t end up as felons)

This is our team so stand up and cheer

Go Riders go… now hand me a beer.