Monday Morning Sentimonies: Now It’s Time To Panic

Evidently the Riders did not get the memo from the League that they weren’t commemorating any retro teams this season as they are currently doing their best to rekindle memories of the Riders of the 90s. 

Up until now I have been relatively calm and optimistic about our early struggles this season. I mean sure we tanked the first game but that was only one game surely we would improve from there and sure we got shown up by Montreal but they are the absolute best in the league, lots of teams more talented than this have fallen to them as well. Well that all came crashing down on Saturday. My optimism and hope dissipated with each embarrassing series. 

The stars couldn’t have aligned better for us. What better opportunity for a struggling team than to face a team who is struggling as bad as we are. Not only that but that team was also missing their top 2 receivers. It’s as if we were starving hunters out on a hunting trip and prize stag with both back legs broken came crawling up to us, loaded our gun for us and pointed it at its own heart... all we had to do was pull the trigger. But instead of killing the beast we somehow managed to miss the shot, have the bullet ricochet off a tree and bounce back and shot us in the ass, we then fell crotch first onto the animals antlers, as we were stumbling around from the pain, the commotion scared the animal so much that it pissed all over us before we ultimately fell face first in a pile of deer manure. We looked up in time to see the animal get in our truck and drive off to go sleep with our wife.

Sadly the embarrassment suffered by the hunter in this metaphor pales in comparison to that suffered by the Riders in Hamilton. If you excluded the nice FG from Eddie Johnson it would have been 60 minutes of pure crap. Seriously there is nothing positive you can say about that.

I was duped into getting my hopes up when the defense held Hamilton to all those FGS early. I thought we had endured the early barrage and we poised to mount our comeback... unfortunately the only mounting that took place was Hamilton mounting us and having their way with us. Offense was beyond embarrassing. They didn’t even have the functional capacity to complete a solitary pass until the first half was almost over. It’s sad when I (a man with a very strong bladder) complete more trips to the bathroom in a half than our team completes passes. But I mean what can you do?? All teams have to do is triple Dressler and our offense is rendered so impotent we would qualify for a prescription of Viagra. Getzlaf can’t catch, Nunn just looks confused out there, the retarded rabbit is far from a game breaker and Clermont is an afterthought. Its really sad, these are supposed to be professionals but the only thing they deserve to be paid for is acting in a remake of a Three Stooges movie, Durant included. 

To me bad individual performances can be blamed on the players. But, when an entire team plays like garbage for 3 straight games, clearly the blame should lie with the coaches. Clearly they did not have this team ready to compete.  Honestly I don’t know what they did for game prep but they would have been better off to just have the players watch Little Giants instead because whatever they are doing is having catastrophic results. Hell the team could have watched So You Think You Can Dance and been better prepared than that.

If we can’t even compete with a Bruce and Mann-less Ti-Cat team, how ugly is next week’s game against the league best Als going to be. We may just find out what happens with the scoreboard when a team scores over 100.