Monday Morning Senitmonies: All’s Quiet

Well another Monday has arrived without a shred of CFL news for me comment on. Well that’s not entirely true… apparently Aaron Wagner retired but I hardly consider that news. But the fact remains that I’ve got nothing to talk about today.

Fortunately one of my readers came through for me in my time of need. It’s about time you people started doing something useful for me… just kidding… mostly. Anywho, reader Ron has been sending along excepts of a book entitled The Joy Of Football suggesting that I could use them as filler during slow times. Well, I do enjoy a good read and others doing my work for me so I am taking Ron up on his suggestion.

Here’s an excerpt from The Joy of Football by Eric Nicol and David More, Chapter 1 – The History of Football.

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In November of 1979 a group of anthropologists digging in Africa’s famed Olduvai Gorge unearthed a perfectly preserved skeleton of an ape in whose arm was cradled a coconut. The creature had been killed in mid-stride by a crushing blow to the side of the skull. The find was immediately hailed not only as the missing link between man and the great apes but also as proof that football is at least three million years old. This was later challenged when it was found that the ape had lost none of his front teeth and he was wearing an athletic supporter labelled ‘tumble dry’.

Nevertheless, we have evidence that football goes back a long way, especially when played against the wind. Cavemen enjoyed this participation sport even after they discovered the club and its healthful effect on cavewomen. All that was needed to play football was a field and a reasonably round object whose hair had been shaved off. Football put the fun back in decapitation.

Most authorities agree that football evolved from earlier forms of contact sport such as being trampled by a herd of elephants. However in some regions, noticeably the deep South of the United States where football is an orthodox religion, it is still unlawful to teach in school the evolutionary theory of football. Belief there remains firm that football was one of the innocent pastimes of the Garden of Eden, the game being lost because of a bad hand-off of the apple, Eve to Adam. It is to defend against this Satanic game plan that most American football teams kneel for the pre-game prayer. The Sabbath devotions are less intense among Canadian football teams, probably because the players know that God is watching a game in the States.

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Thanks to Ron for passing this along and help me what would have otherwise been a fairly empty Monday post. I’ll be back later in the week with a post that hasn’t been 95% copied and pasted. In the meanwhile, I think you readers should take a lesson from Ron and consider making yourselves more useful to me. Times are tough and if certain people aren’t contributing, I may have to consider letting some readers go.