Rider Prophet Salutes Bad Team Names: The Lamest of the Lame

A team name is supposed to be a source of team pride for both players and fans alike. But I can’t help thinking that the fans/players of these next teams die a little inside every time they have to cheer for their team. The only thing lamer than these team names is Stephen Hawking (too soon?).

Top 5 – Really Lame Team Names

5. New Westminster Salmonbellies (WLA) –






While not overly intimidating, simply calling yourselves the Salmon would likely have garnered significantly less mockery.

4. University of Hawaii Rainbow Warriors (NCAA) –



Now warriors on its own is a fairly good team name… but adding rainbow in front of it kinda takes away all the toughness associated with warrior (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

3. Jacksonville Tea Men (defunct NASL) –





Why am I not surprised that one of the more homosexual team names in this salute comes to us from the soccer world? Actually they where initially going to be named after the men who bag the tea but opted to replace “baggers” with “men” due to public pressure.

2. Scottsdale Community College Fighting Artichoke (NJCAA) –




Wow. Just wow. Where did they ever come up with this load of crap? Did the school’s founding father engage in a vicious fight to the death with an artichoke? Have there been actual cases of gangs of artichokes attacking innocent bystanders? Is there an artichoke division in the local boxing circuit? I’d like to know what gave them the idea to go with the aggressive vegetable mascot.

Winner: Montgomery Biscuits (AA Baseball) –



They say truth is stranger than fiction and this team is no exception. So rather than come up with my own material on this team I will just relay some interesting tidbits about the team. During the game, instead of saying “Hey batter, batter, batter”, Montgomery fans say “Hey butter, butter, butter”. And during the game they shoot biscuits into the crowd with air cannons. What better way to celebrate Uncle-Daddy Day than to treat your uncle-daddy to an air born biscuit and some good old fashion biscuit-themed heckling. (Remind me again why people in the Deep South are allowed to breed…)

Dishonourable Mentions: Indiana State University Sycamores (NCAA), Roanoke Steam (defunct AF2) – You know things are bad when trees and vaporized water aren’t even lame enough to crack the top 5.